I’m beginning to feel somewhat settled in Kolkata, which I think is an extreme blessing. No, I don’t think that Kolkata is ever a place that I will “get used to”, but I do think that I am acclimating to it more and more. There are several aspects to India to which I had not considered, but slowly my mind is beginning to open itself up, and by and by, my confidence and stubbornness is being crushed. This is something I desperately need. I’ve realized that, while in Kolkata, I have to admit that I normally have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going on or what to expect. Normally, in the U.S I almost always have an idea of what I’m doing or what is going on, and I never realized how many times that aided my pride and my confidence. It is such an awesome experience for me to be in a situation that leaves me totally unaware.
Another observation that I have come across in India: the male flirting device, or as I fondly refer to it as: the mating call. This is what seems like an innocent yet tactful manner of males trying to gain the female’s attention, much like a peacock showing its colorful feathers. It seems that many times when I am walking down the street, a male will begin humming or singing as soon as he sees me, or any woman around me for that matter. Now, I am certainly not suggesting that I attract all the Indian men or that they are all taken with me, but I just wonder what this all means. Is there a correlation between the men seeing a woman and singing? Or, does the man just sing simultaneously when he sees a woman? Or, why does the man think that singing will attract the female to him? So many questions about the romance in India.
Modern. It is something that India (parts of India) is striving to be. I’ve seen so many college students wearing Western clothes, and I’ve also seen various advertisements that either have Western people on them or Indians that look like Western women. This past Saturday when I was watching a Bollywood movie with our friend, Shreya she was telling us that the main actress is actually quite darker, but they lightened her skin with makeup to give her the appearance of a Western woman, because Western women are more beautiful. This made me sorrowful, because I personally think that Indian women are some of the most breathtaking women that I know. Seriously. I just wonder why being Western is such a big deal. I understand that India is booming now with development and so this is all pretty new, but I still ardently hope that India remains India. I hope that India maintains its beautifully rich culture. It would be a devastating shame to lose that.
At Prayasam today, I had such a beautiful conversation with part of the family. We just sat and talked about working as an organization for human rights and about empowering the youth and in successful but creative marketing and leadership skills and the tragedy of the dissolving imagination in children and so much more. It was literally an hour and a half long conversation of all my greatest passions surrounded by people that totally understand ME. They totally spoke aloud my deepest hopes and wishes for this world in the future. It was that moment when I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Those moments are seldom dealt out, and it made me so incredibly thankful that Prayasam took me into their family. I came to India to be totally crushed into rubble. I wanted nothing left of me when I came back to the U.S. As difficult as times may be, I see that this is surely happening, and I can’t take credit for any of it. I am so completely undeserving of the life that I have been given, and I hope that I can bring all that I have to what I have been given.
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