Idiosyncrasy

Idiosyncratic: characteristic, personal, individual, distinctive, eccentric, peculiar, quirky, particular, unique.

I cannot think of a better word to describe the 3 beautiful women that I roomed with this past semester. Truly and honestly, my experience of India would not have been the same without these crazy comrades. They have shown me so much wonder about the world that we live in, and they have shown me so much about myself. I know that this is extremely cheese-filled, but they will all always hold a treasured place in my heart. I don’t think I’ve met more loving, passionate, humorous, understanding, adventurous, brave, sassy…women. I would not have wanted to experience India with anyone other herd.  There have been countless late nights of unintended and sometimes intended inappropriate jokes, misinterpreted words, wrestling, Dot belly dancing, dancing in general, deep and thoughtful conversations, the list goes on. What was truly amazing about this group is that none of us took ourselves too seriously. We were able to laugh at all of the trials and triumphs of India, and although some days we were at our worst, myself especially, we always managed to make each other crack a smile. The most important aspect about these women is that they put up with my sass. I don’t think I realized how sassy I was until I came to India, but these women could deal it right back, roll their eyes, or shake it off. It was marvelous.

Now comes the part where I get extremely sentimental, tear up and single each one of you out: uh oh…

Tiffany: Yes, although this pains me deeply to admit it, you are the queen. HAPPY? You have managed to not only wrestle me to the bed but you also managed to wrestle me down on the street (I might have something to do with that though). Seriously though, you are stunning. I have never met someone with as authentic natural beauty as you. Your hair amazes me, and it took a lot of self-control to not cut it off while you were sleeping. Thank you for pushing me to be more aware of the world and the news…I’ve never read the news as much as I do now. You have such an incredibly large heart that just wants to invite everyone in. You have a captivating presence about you when you are talking with everyone and anyone, and you literally can talk to anyone. I hope you do become president of the U.S someday, because I want to see a billboard of your hair blowing in the wind someday. Thank you for consistently making me laugh and challenging me to go outside of my comfort zone…your light is contagious.

Brenna: Oh my little naked baby monkey. I am going to miss seeing you in the morning and petting your head. You truly know how to touch me better than anyone else I’ve met; our cuddling moments are epic. Your openness to people from everywhere and all aspects of life is truly stunning. Never once have I seen judgment or disapproval on your face because you see the person and not the religion or the clothes or the past, etc. It is a supreme joy to talk with you and to be able to share parts of myself with you, thank you for pushing me to be more honest with myself. I’m really going to miss your nude leggings, especially when doing hip hop abs. I should have told you this sooner, but I honestly think you should go into theater and Broadway, because your musical dance numbers at Afraa are phenomenal. Thank you for loving me so dearly and for slapping me when I was too hard on myself. You have taught me to relax, be at peace and understanding with myself. You are an incredibly balanced person, and Buddha would be so proud.

Rita: I never thought I would say this, but I am going to miss you licking my elbow on the metro, and well, everywhere in Kolkata if we’re honest with ourselves. You have the best humor I have yet to experience in a person, and I truly mean that. I may not have always laughed out loud, but inside, I was rolling on the ground. You were the one who got the most sass, and you handled it with grace and witty banter. You deserve a medal for that. I was so incredibly blessed to share a huge bed with you and to be able to learn more about my faith through you. Christ was so present through you this semester, and I felt His love overwhelmingly through you. I’m going to miss your squealing and your big, bulging eyes when you get excited or “upset”, because you never actually get upset. No one has baby bumps as gigantic as you, and never will I forget the feeling of your food baby kicking against my tiny hands. Thank you for the love that you have shown me and for constantly smiling at the whims of life. Your constant smile brought such a joy to my soul, and I still ardently believe that smiles can change someone’s life. You will always be my slow loris...just you and me and the goats in the back room.

As you can see, each of these amazing women has blessed me with a new perspective in life, whether it be serious or funny. I owe a semester of incredible challenges and victories, hours of laughing my insides out, America’s Best Dance crew, beautiful insights and revelations about India and life in general and unconditional love to these 3 women. They have been my support and my rock through this semester, and I sincerely love them, whether they admit they love me or not (Tiffany Vang). My beautiful herdswomen, it has been a journey, an adventure and a roarin grand time. Thank you for that and for not killing me even though you had several good reasons to do so.

Playing with Lightening

I want to preface this blog post, by saying one, this is the only type of post I will write and two, mom dad, and my three protective older brothers, you may not like this. Quite recently, I have met a Punjabi, 20 year old, professional football player (or soccer player as we call them) who is even more sarcastic than I am, if that's possible and has a 90's vespa. Believe me that I am not saying I am lovestruck by this boy or even close to having any sort of those feelings, but I have loved hanging out with him and getting to know him. What is so wrong about that?

Lately, I've felt like a giddy high schooler. It's exciting and adventurous to meet someone new and to be introduced to various parts of the Indian life that I never knew existed before. However, I am obviously tremendously careful when it comes to friendships like these, and this has been an excellent learning experience for me, isn't that the case with everything these days? I told my mom of this new football goalie to which she responded, "Rebecca, be careful! I mean it, be careful! Tell Rita to tell you to be careful!" I understand her concern, especially because I'm her favorite child. Then when football man came by last night after my roommates and I were coming back from dancing, Kaka was waiting for us. Right after we came inside, he told us to be careful. That we didn't know these types of people and that's he's concerned for us, which is completely understandable. Then he began to explain how he isn't Bengali, and non-Bengal people are much different, less trustworthy. Specifically famous people and players.

I just found this so interesting. Many teenage girls dream of meeting a man in a foreign country, riding in the streets with her scarf and hair flowing with the wind and eating lots of great food. My situation is not anything like this, and it almost bothered me that people were so concerned. For one, although yes, he has quite a bit of maturing to do, he's an amazing person, and what is more impressive is that he can throw sarcasm right back at me...that doesn't happen often. Also, why can't it just be a friendship? I can handle myself. I know myself well enough now to know who I can trust and who I can't trust.

I've learned so much about not pre-judging others and about giving them a chance. Yes, he acts like a 5 year old boy at times, but sees India in a light that I have never heard of before. So far, he has managed to convince the auto rickshaw driver to let him drive the rickshaw last night; he has introduced me to the best tasting hot chocolate (and I hate hot chocolate); he has given me his goalie jersey which just makes me feel so bomb-diggity; and he has given me a ride on his 90's vespa. If I wouldn't have given him a chance, I  would have missed out on all of this. I was the most guarded out of everyone that I talked to, but I see now that as long as you know yourself and you trust yourself, you honestly can't go wrong. Trust yourself enough to know the type of people that you want to have in your life, whether for 1 week or for a lifetime. It's always thrilling to have a little adventure in India! Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen aint' got nothin' on me.

A Most Valiant Leader

Disclaimer: This is NOT my post. This is a beautiful letter written by my study abroad director, Sucharita Mukherjee, who has unexpectedly and quickly become one of my most beloved mentors and friends. She seldom expresses herself in such a manner, which makes this letter even more precious and highly treasured. I could never have lasted in India without her fearless guidance. Of course, signed with her signature, "Best, Sucharita". 

Dear Students,

As we stand on the edge of the very last (official) moments of the semester several thoughts fill my mind. I know, I have a terrible habit of wafting from idea to idea while I talk (yes Adam I know I do this..trying to get over it though :)) and so I decided to write may be one last group email to you before the semester ends.

My first thought is that of gratitude. As I read your heartfelt thoughts and reflections in a wonderful green book you presented to me, I realize this book will be one of the treasures I will always hold close to my heart. While accepting your gratefulness, I must however express my own. Thank you students, for a wonderful semester. 

The semester began with lots of trepidation- the fear of being biased towards my motherland India, knowing that I am one of her most die hard fans; the fear of being counted as a deserter or a privileged escapee to the land of plenty, the US, the fear of not being able to manage a group of fifteen students and give them the best possible experience realizing this is perhaps the only one many of them will have in India and last but not the least, the fear of balancing the personal with the professional, a distinction many had warned me, gets considerably blurred while directing a study abroad program and last but not the least, the fear of my own introvert shy personality. 

However, the more time I spent with you, the less fearsome the fears appeared. And yes, while you groaned and felt burdened by your fantastic journals at times, I gained so much from reading your views, understanding your troubles and confusions and sharing in your elation. I saw some my own immigrant confusions in your experiences and with joy watched each of you flower into even more wonderful people than you were to begin with as you sorted things out. You have given me a fresh ability to be confident in my own choice- I could not have chosen a better group to be my first. I fear I will never get another one so good.

As I read your final journals, I sense your attachment to this country you have made so much your own. Unfortunately many in India, sickened by corrupt politicians and lack of economic development in many quarters, seek escape to more comfortable and transparent settings of the West. Your stories are one of fresh hope, reasons to care, reasons to love this great land. My own life experiences have given me the liberal freedom to be neither Indian nor American and yet both. But I was born into privilege and continue to live in it. In your own reflections, I see the same strains of guilt, passion and hopelessness....which ironically are the only starting points for doing something big. Please do not quieten that heart. You have given me fresh hope to rekindle my own service ideas.

I realize I am getting a tad carried away! Let me end by saying that before this trip I was almost 100 percent sure that I wanted my daughter to grow up in India. Watching you, learning about each of you, understanding your free spirit has made me question whether that freedom is truly attainable in this wonderful diverse incredibly complicated land, which offers so much to learn but whose very complications seem to be stifling creativity through feeding a self seeking political environment? 

Signing off with something I will always remember about each of you:

Kate- Your chips, your songs and your passion for education and children.

Nicole- Your worries and tensions but your incredible thoughtfulness about others.

Rita- Your playfulness, your wonderful games and your sincere heart and eagerness to help.

Kelsey K-Your dislike medicine and doctors (:)) your commitment to environmental education and your ability to be calm while you suffered illness in a foreign land.

Rachel Z- Your wonderful sarcasm (and I really thought I was sarcastic :)) and your sincere dedication to learning new things and making them part of yourself.

Becca- Your grumpiness when you are not happy ("can we please go home NOW") and your clean and loving heart which is so full of appreciation and which can find joy in the smallest of things.

Erik- Your love of goat and chicken sacrifices and your extreme friendliness and openness to strangers (whether it was my parents, my uncles or my friend Nilendu, everyone instantly liked you).

Adam- Your pranks and jokes, your heart of gold and your ability to connect all the dots in learning (if you know what I mean!).

Stephanie- Your loud hearty laugh and your leadership keeping everyone's interests in mind.

Kelsey T- Your wonderful art, your wonderful smile, your zeal and your ability to dream and see something good all the time.

Courtney- Your ability to be just what I thought you would be like- calm, collected, balanced, positive. 

Drew- Your passion for learning, your seriousness and dedication and focus.

Tiffany- Your attitude full of positivity, liveliness and eagerness to learn and interpret complex ideas, connect the dots and form a whole picture.

Brenna- Your deceptive appearance of timidity hiding a load of determination, ideas and views....you know exactly what you want and how to get it :)

Wowwww....that was a long email.....and I wrote all of that without pausing once!

See you all tomorrow....

Best,

Sucharita

This is going to be good

Beautiful ocean view from our Dreamland hotel view

Everything is joyful when you have the ocean right behind you

Vogue India May 2012

Pensive

OCEAN!!!!!!

Quite fond of this gal...

plus she makes an excellent walking partner

Magnificent way to celebrate India

You're Just What I Needed

I have decided that at some point in my life, I must, and I mean must, live by the ocean. It is MUCH too beautiful and tempting not to. These past couple of days, my group has traveled to Puri, Orissa, which is basically a beach town, and it was absolutely stunning. I was taken aback by how much I loved the ocean. It's so simple, but it's just so wonderful. If you are ever having a crappy day and you just need some time to think, I strongly suggest going to your nearest ocean. If you can't make that work, then a lake or maybe even a bird bath will do, but there is something so calming about water. I could have watched those waves crash and break for hours and never tire or get bored, and that means something significant coming from me.

I was apprehensive about going at first, because there just seemed to be so much finality to it. It was our final excursion in India and our final time as a group again, and that concept really stinks. If you know anything about me, you know that I do not do well with goodbyes or ends. They just don't sit well with my insides. There's a quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, yes, I'm quoting that book that goes, "Carmen loved beginnings, but she hated goodbyes". Well, I couldn’t identify more with this quote. I find beginnings incredibly exciting and thrilling, but I abhor endings and I avoid them at all costs. For the past week, I have been anticipating going home and recollecting all that I want to do when home, which I am obviously still incredibly pumped about. However, now I’m coming towards the end of this indescribable journey, and that is becoming clearer with every day that passes by way too quickly.

I know that I needed to see the ocean this weekend, because I needed to be reminded of how puny and insignificant I am and how vast and enormous the world is. I revel in the feeling of being swallowed up into the whole world, and I was able to experience that in Puri. It just leaves you in awe of everything in your life, especially, at least for me, how in tarnation I arrived at an ocean in India. I mean if you think about it, I went from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Kolkata, India. That’s a fairly significant transition and one that I have yet to comprehend. I’m so accustomed to planning beginnings and pumping myself up for those first few new days that I forget endings are necessary to experience beginnings. I wish I could fast forward through endings and skip them altogether, but I have yet to master that, nor do I think I should. I need to learn to say goodbye and to allow things to come to an end.

I know that I will have no regrets leaving India. I barely came in with any expectations, and if I did, they were rapidly proven insanely wrong. There is no other place that I was destined to be in the spring of 2012. I do believe in fate, no matter how childish or naïve that may seem to any of you. I believe that I was placed in India for a reason or several reasons for that matter, and with that knowledge, I can never have regrets. My catch phrase for this semester has been, “We are clever, but we are clueless”. Thank goodness for that. Wow, I needed to be humbled. That is one of my favorite and most treasured aspects of India. I may still maintain my sassiness, but I have slowly, and I do mean very slowly, worked on my stubbornness and my pride. I know that culture shock is inevitable, and I know that I’m going to be a grouch or another word I won’t mention and that I’ll snap at people for not understanding why I’m acting a certain way, but I strongly believe that parting with India will be like parting with a dear friend. I will be content because I know that the friendship served its purpose.

Who would have thought that I would be parting from India in my lifetime? Certainly not I, but then again, life is wonderful that way, literally full of wonder. We do the most unexpected, zany things without ever realizing why. If there is any hope that I have for my future it is that I will continuously do those unexpected, zany things with the same childish wonder that I possess in India. Never allow yourself to get too cynical. It ruins all of the entertainment that life offers. I can’t stand the statement, “Life every moment like it’s your last”. No. Don’t think that each day should be your last. Think that each day is your first. Each day is a fresh start to begin again. India has shown me that no matter how many times you screw up or are proven false, keep going. Don’t use any of that “live like your dying”. Concentrate on living. In that is unmistakable joy.

Like the Smell of Your Grandma's Basement

Lately, I have been gaining nostalgia. I was trying with much effort not to do the whole, "This is the last time I'll go to class here" or "This is the last time I'll be at this temple", blah, blah, blah. I did that once in high school, and I didn't care to repeat it. However, lately it's been slipping off the tongue more so than I'd like. It is difficult to not think that way when it all seems so real all of a sudden. I think back to the times that I was first at a certain place and compare it to the present, and it astounds me how much my perception and experience has changed. For instance, today we went to the Dakshineswar Temple, which I went to with Kaka and three of my roommates at the very beginning of our lives in Kolkata. I went with one of my roommates and three other women from my group today, and it was such a bewildering experience. Rita and I got there quite easily now that we both can handle transportation, it didn't seem daunting at all. We even accidentally rode in the men's compartment on the train on the way back, and that didn't even phase us. It was a deja vu experience, to say the least, and it is pretty awesome to see how much I've grown.

What I've realized lately is that I've begun to get used to Kolkata, as much as a person can. Obviously, I continue to learn new things and discover how incorrect I am, but I've grown accustomed to it's face (sorry for the My Fair Lady reference, I couldn't help it) and the whims and trials it offers. I've begun to recognize a familiarity that I have with Kolkata. It's almost that occasion when you are in another place and you begin to sniff until you find that this place smells very much like your grandma's basement. Maybe you've never had that experience, but I have quite often. India is, metaphorically of course, beginning to smell like my grandma's basement. As time continues to pass, the more and more my relationship with Kolkata is similar to that of an old and dear friend. A friend that has pushed and empowered you to grow immensely, while still accepting you for who you are. Kolkata has ripped me apart and broken me down countless times, but thank God for that. Thank God that I've been blessed enough to experience that and to learn so much more about the world I live in and who I am becoming as a person.

And It Talks To Me, It Tiptoes

So lately, I've had my nose in the books as some might say, studying for my finals that I had this week. In actuality, I didn't really study that much, but I did read incredibly interesting articles that I hadn't read when we were supposed to. Imagine that! One of the articles I read for Sociology was about social movements, and I found a quote that resonated with me quite strongly. It was from M.S.A. Rao, please don't ask me who that is because I don't know, but he said, "A sufficient level understanding and reflection is required on the part of the participants, and they must be able to observe and perceive the contrast between the social and cultural conditions of the privileged and the deprived, and must realize that it is possible to do something about it." He was referencing protests and social movements. The last part about "realizing it is possible to do something about it" started whirling around in my mind about what the world would be like if we all had this mentality. We all know of the injustices and corruption in this world, and I think all of us know that there are options and possibilities in existence that could end injustice and corruption, we just don't do anything about it. I'm obviously guilty of this same crime, and I'm ashamed that I haven't realized it or admitted it sooner. I see issues in the world that can be prevented, and I do nothing about it.

Although I would love it if we could all put an end to violence and war and poverty, I know that this is most likely not possible. Even with my idealist attitude, I realize the extremity of each case. However, what if we started small? Is there someone on the street that doesn't have food and is begging that you pass by everyday? If so, why not bring food with you the next time that you pass that person? They need food, you have food and so a realization of the possible occurs. Is there someone you know that is struggling and just needs to know that someone is there for support? They need someone to lean on, you are capable of supporting them and so a realization of the possible occurs. Do you have clothes that you don't wear anymore or do you have extra time to spare to help out at an NGO or food shelf? You have clothes to give, people need clothes; you have extra time to spare, people need help and time, and so a realization of the possible occurs. It can be so simple, but yet it can begin to change the way that we view our world.

I myself, need to be a better advocate and constant participant in this philosophy, because there is so much that I can do. I was thinking to myself as well about how I hold back sometimes or hesitate when giving someone food or buying food for someone to eat. Why do I do it? They need the food, I have the money and/or the food, and so what is so difficult about that exchange of interaction? I've even seen a change with new-life philosophies. For instance, although I do not practice this nearly as often as I should, I believe that smiles can bring peace. I love receiving spontaneous smiles, especially from people I don't know. It makes me feel like I have a ball of sunshine in my stomach, and yes, I promise I'm not high as I write this. We all have smiles, no matter what they look like. Why not give a smile to people as you're walking down the street? You just might change some one's day or even life. As cheesy and motivational as this sounds, it's more of an urgency. There is a desperate need for people that are alive in the search for possibilities that can change the world positively. We need as many people as we can recruit, and although there is no monetary profit, trust me, it has immense benefits.