Idiosyncrasy

Idiosyncratic: characteristic, personal, individual, distinctive, eccentric, peculiar, quirky, particular, unique.

I cannot think of a better word to describe the 3 beautiful women that I roomed with this past semester. Truly and honestly, my experience of India would not have been the same without these crazy comrades. They have shown me so much wonder about the world that we live in, and they have shown me so much about myself. I know that this is extremely cheese-filled, but they will all always hold a treasured place in my heart. I don’t think I’ve met more loving, passionate, humorous, understanding, adventurous, brave, sassy…women. I would not have wanted to experience India with anyone other herd.  There have been countless late nights of unintended and sometimes intended inappropriate jokes, misinterpreted words, wrestling, Dot belly dancing, dancing in general, deep and thoughtful conversations, the list goes on. What was truly amazing about this group is that none of us took ourselves too seriously. We were able to laugh at all of the trials and triumphs of India, and although some days we were at our worst, myself especially, we always managed to make each other crack a smile. The most important aspect about these women is that they put up with my sass. I don’t think I realized how sassy I was until I came to India, but these women could deal it right back, roll their eyes, or shake it off. It was marvelous.

Now comes the part where I get extremely sentimental, tear up and single each one of you out: uh oh…

Tiffany: Yes, although this pains me deeply to admit it, you are the queen. HAPPY? You have managed to not only wrestle me to the bed but you also managed to wrestle me down on the street (I might have something to do with that though). Seriously though, you are stunning. I have never met someone with as authentic natural beauty as you. Your hair amazes me, and it took a lot of self-control to not cut it off while you were sleeping. Thank you for pushing me to be more aware of the world and the news…I’ve never read the news as much as I do now. You have such an incredibly large heart that just wants to invite everyone in. You have a captivating presence about you when you are talking with everyone and anyone, and you literally can talk to anyone. I hope you do become president of the U.S someday, because I want to see a billboard of your hair blowing in the wind someday. Thank you for consistently making me laugh and challenging me to go outside of my comfort zone…your light is contagious.

Brenna: Oh my little naked baby monkey. I am going to miss seeing you in the morning and petting your head. You truly know how to touch me better than anyone else I’ve met; our cuddling moments are epic. Your openness to people from everywhere and all aspects of life is truly stunning. Never once have I seen judgment or disapproval on your face because you see the person and not the religion or the clothes or the past, etc. It is a supreme joy to talk with you and to be able to share parts of myself with you, thank you for pushing me to be more honest with myself. I’m really going to miss your nude leggings, especially when doing hip hop abs. I should have told you this sooner, but I honestly think you should go into theater and Broadway, because your musical dance numbers at Afraa are phenomenal. Thank you for loving me so dearly and for slapping me when I was too hard on myself. You have taught me to relax, be at peace and understanding with myself. You are an incredibly balanced person, and Buddha would be so proud.

Rita: I never thought I would say this, but I am going to miss you licking my elbow on the metro, and well, everywhere in Kolkata if we’re honest with ourselves. You have the best humor I have yet to experience in a person, and I truly mean that. I may not have always laughed out loud, but inside, I was rolling on the ground. You were the one who got the most sass, and you handled it with grace and witty banter. You deserve a medal for that. I was so incredibly blessed to share a huge bed with you and to be able to learn more about my faith through you. Christ was so present through you this semester, and I felt His love overwhelmingly through you. I’m going to miss your squealing and your big, bulging eyes when you get excited or “upset”, because you never actually get upset. No one has baby bumps as gigantic as you, and never will I forget the feeling of your food baby kicking against my tiny hands. Thank you for the love that you have shown me and for constantly smiling at the whims of life. Your constant smile brought such a joy to my soul, and I still ardently believe that smiles can change someone’s life. You will always be my slow loris...just you and me and the goats in the back room.

As you can see, each of these amazing women has blessed me with a new perspective in life, whether it be serious or funny. I owe a semester of incredible challenges and victories, hours of laughing my insides out, America’s Best Dance crew, beautiful insights and revelations about India and life in general and unconditional love to these 3 women. They have been my support and my rock through this semester, and I sincerely love them, whether they admit they love me or not (Tiffany Vang). My beautiful herdswomen, it has been a journey, an adventure and a roarin grand time. Thank you for that and for not killing me even though you had several good reasons to do so.

Playing with Lightening

I want to preface this blog post, by saying one, this is the only type of post I will write and two, mom dad, and my three protective older brothers, you may not like this. Quite recently, I have met a Punjabi, 20 year old, professional football player (or soccer player as we call them) who is even more sarcastic than I am, if that's possible and has a 90's vespa. Believe me that I am not saying I am lovestruck by this boy or even close to having any sort of those feelings, but I have loved hanging out with him and getting to know him. What is so wrong about that?

Lately, I've felt like a giddy high schooler. It's exciting and adventurous to meet someone new and to be introduced to various parts of the Indian life that I never knew existed before. However, I am obviously tremendously careful when it comes to friendships like these, and this has been an excellent learning experience for me, isn't that the case with everything these days? I told my mom of this new football goalie to which she responded, "Rebecca, be careful! I mean it, be careful! Tell Rita to tell you to be careful!" I understand her concern, especially because I'm her favorite child. Then when football man came by last night after my roommates and I were coming back from dancing, Kaka was waiting for us. Right after we came inside, he told us to be careful. That we didn't know these types of people and that's he's concerned for us, which is completely understandable. Then he began to explain how he isn't Bengali, and non-Bengal people are much different, less trustworthy. Specifically famous people and players.

I just found this so interesting. Many teenage girls dream of meeting a man in a foreign country, riding in the streets with her scarf and hair flowing with the wind and eating lots of great food. My situation is not anything like this, and it almost bothered me that people were so concerned. For one, although yes, he has quite a bit of maturing to do, he's an amazing person, and what is more impressive is that he can throw sarcasm right back at me...that doesn't happen often. Also, why can't it just be a friendship? I can handle myself. I know myself well enough now to know who I can trust and who I can't trust.

I've learned so much about not pre-judging others and about giving them a chance. Yes, he acts like a 5 year old boy at times, but sees India in a light that I have never heard of before. So far, he has managed to convince the auto rickshaw driver to let him drive the rickshaw last night; he has introduced me to the best tasting hot chocolate (and I hate hot chocolate); he has given me his goalie jersey which just makes me feel so bomb-diggity; and he has given me a ride on his 90's vespa. If I wouldn't have given him a chance, I  would have missed out on all of this. I was the most guarded out of everyone that I talked to, but I see now that as long as you know yourself and you trust yourself, you honestly can't go wrong. Trust yourself enough to know the type of people that you want to have in your life, whether for 1 week or for a lifetime. It's always thrilling to have a little adventure in India! Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen aint' got nothin' on me.

A Most Valiant Leader

Disclaimer: This is NOT my post. This is a beautiful letter written by my study abroad director, Sucharita Mukherjee, who has unexpectedly and quickly become one of my most beloved mentors and friends. She seldom expresses herself in such a manner, which makes this letter even more precious and highly treasured. I could never have lasted in India without her fearless guidance. Of course, signed with her signature, "Best, Sucharita". 

Dear Students,

As we stand on the edge of the very last (official) moments of the semester several thoughts fill my mind. I know, I have a terrible habit of wafting from idea to idea while I talk (yes Adam I know I do this..trying to get over it though :)) and so I decided to write may be one last group email to you before the semester ends.

My first thought is that of gratitude. As I read your heartfelt thoughts and reflections in a wonderful green book you presented to me, I realize this book will be one of the treasures I will always hold close to my heart. While accepting your gratefulness, I must however express my own. Thank you students, for a wonderful semester. 

The semester began with lots of trepidation- the fear of being biased towards my motherland India, knowing that I am one of her most die hard fans; the fear of being counted as a deserter or a privileged escapee to the land of plenty, the US, the fear of not being able to manage a group of fifteen students and give them the best possible experience realizing this is perhaps the only one many of them will have in India and last but not the least, the fear of balancing the personal with the professional, a distinction many had warned me, gets considerably blurred while directing a study abroad program and last but not the least, the fear of my own introvert shy personality. 

However, the more time I spent with you, the less fearsome the fears appeared. And yes, while you groaned and felt burdened by your fantastic journals at times, I gained so much from reading your views, understanding your troubles and confusions and sharing in your elation. I saw some my own immigrant confusions in your experiences and with joy watched each of you flower into even more wonderful people than you were to begin with as you sorted things out. You have given me a fresh ability to be confident in my own choice- I could not have chosen a better group to be my first. I fear I will never get another one so good.

As I read your final journals, I sense your attachment to this country you have made so much your own. Unfortunately many in India, sickened by corrupt politicians and lack of economic development in many quarters, seek escape to more comfortable and transparent settings of the West. Your stories are one of fresh hope, reasons to care, reasons to love this great land. My own life experiences have given me the liberal freedom to be neither Indian nor American and yet both. But I was born into privilege and continue to live in it. In your own reflections, I see the same strains of guilt, passion and hopelessness....which ironically are the only starting points for doing something big. Please do not quieten that heart. You have given me fresh hope to rekindle my own service ideas.

I realize I am getting a tad carried away! Let me end by saying that before this trip I was almost 100 percent sure that I wanted my daughter to grow up in India. Watching you, learning about each of you, understanding your free spirit has made me question whether that freedom is truly attainable in this wonderful diverse incredibly complicated land, which offers so much to learn but whose very complications seem to be stifling creativity through feeding a self seeking political environment? 

Signing off with something I will always remember about each of you:

Kate- Your chips, your songs and your passion for education and children.

Nicole- Your worries and tensions but your incredible thoughtfulness about others.

Rita- Your playfulness, your wonderful games and your sincere heart and eagerness to help.

Kelsey K-Your dislike medicine and doctors (:)) your commitment to environmental education and your ability to be calm while you suffered illness in a foreign land.

Rachel Z- Your wonderful sarcasm (and I really thought I was sarcastic :)) and your sincere dedication to learning new things and making them part of yourself.

Becca- Your grumpiness when you are not happy ("can we please go home NOW") and your clean and loving heart which is so full of appreciation and which can find joy in the smallest of things.

Erik- Your love of goat and chicken sacrifices and your extreme friendliness and openness to strangers (whether it was my parents, my uncles or my friend Nilendu, everyone instantly liked you).

Adam- Your pranks and jokes, your heart of gold and your ability to connect all the dots in learning (if you know what I mean!).

Stephanie- Your loud hearty laugh and your leadership keeping everyone's interests in mind.

Kelsey T- Your wonderful art, your wonderful smile, your zeal and your ability to dream and see something good all the time.

Courtney- Your ability to be just what I thought you would be like- calm, collected, balanced, positive. 

Drew- Your passion for learning, your seriousness and dedication and focus.

Tiffany- Your attitude full of positivity, liveliness and eagerness to learn and interpret complex ideas, connect the dots and form a whole picture.

Brenna- Your deceptive appearance of timidity hiding a load of determination, ideas and views....you know exactly what you want and how to get it :)

Wowwww....that was a long email.....and I wrote all of that without pausing once!

See you all tomorrow....

Best,

Sucharita

This is going to be good

Beautiful ocean view from our Dreamland hotel view

Everything is joyful when you have the ocean right behind you

Vogue India May 2012

Pensive

OCEAN!!!!!!

Quite fond of this gal...

plus she makes an excellent walking partner

Magnificent way to celebrate India

You're Just What I Needed

I have decided that at some point in my life, I must, and I mean must, live by the ocean. It is MUCH too beautiful and tempting not to. These past couple of days, my group has traveled to Puri, Orissa, which is basically a beach town, and it was absolutely stunning. I was taken aback by how much I loved the ocean. It's so simple, but it's just so wonderful. If you are ever having a crappy day and you just need some time to think, I strongly suggest going to your nearest ocean. If you can't make that work, then a lake or maybe even a bird bath will do, but there is something so calming about water. I could have watched those waves crash and break for hours and never tire or get bored, and that means something significant coming from me.

I was apprehensive about going at first, because there just seemed to be so much finality to it. It was our final excursion in India and our final time as a group again, and that concept really stinks. If you know anything about me, you know that I do not do well with goodbyes or ends. They just don't sit well with my insides. There's a quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, yes, I'm quoting that book that goes, "Carmen loved beginnings, but she hated goodbyes". Well, I couldn’t identify more with this quote. I find beginnings incredibly exciting and thrilling, but I abhor endings and I avoid them at all costs. For the past week, I have been anticipating going home and recollecting all that I want to do when home, which I am obviously still incredibly pumped about. However, now I’m coming towards the end of this indescribable journey, and that is becoming clearer with every day that passes by way too quickly.

I know that I needed to see the ocean this weekend, because I needed to be reminded of how puny and insignificant I am and how vast and enormous the world is. I revel in the feeling of being swallowed up into the whole world, and I was able to experience that in Puri. It just leaves you in awe of everything in your life, especially, at least for me, how in tarnation I arrived at an ocean in India. I mean if you think about it, I went from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Kolkata, India. That’s a fairly significant transition and one that I have yet to comprehend. I’m so accustomed to planning beginnings and pumping myself up for those first few new days that I forget endings are necessary to experience beginnings. I wish I could fast forward through endings and skip them altogether, but I have yet to master that, nor do I think I should. I need to learn to say goodbye and to allow things to come to an end.

I know that I will have no regrets leaving India. I barely came in with any expectations, and if I did, they were rapidly proven insanely wrong. There is no other place that I was destined to be in the spring of 2012. I do believe in fate, no matter how childish or naïve that may seem to any of you. I believe that I was placed in India for a reason or several reasons for that matter, and with that knowledge, I can never have regrets. My catch phrase for this semester has been, “We are clever, but we are clueless”. Thank goodness for that. Wow, I needed to be humbled. That is one of my favorite and most treasured aspects of India. I may still maintain my sassiness, but I have slowly, and I do mean very slowly, worked on my stubbornness and my pride. I know that culture shock is inevitable, and I know that I’m going to be a grouch or another word I won’t mention and that I’ll snap at people for not understanding why I’m acting a certain way, but I strongly believe that parting with India will be like parting with a dear friend. I will be content because I know that the friendship served its purpose.

Who would have thought that I would be parting from India in my lifetime? Certainly not I, but then again, life is wonderful that way, literally full of wonder. We do the most unexpected, zany things without ever realizing why. If there is any hope that I have for my future it is that I will continuously do those unexpected, zany things with the same childish wonder that I possess in India. Never allow yourself to get too cynical. It ruins all of the entertainment that life offers. I can’t stand the statement, “Life every moment like it’s your last”. No. Don’t think that each day should be your last. Think that each day is your first. Each day is a fresh start to begin again. India has shown me that no matter how many times you screw up or are proven false, keep going. Don’t use any of that “live like your dying”. Concentrate on living. In that is unmistakable joy.

Like the Smell of Your Grandma's Basement

Lately, I have been gaining nostalgia. I was trying with much effort not to do the whole, "This is the last time I'll go to class here" or "This is the last time I'll be at this temple", blah, blah, blah. I did that once in high school, and I didn't care to repeat it. However, lately it's been slipping off the tongue more so than I'd like. It is difficult to not think that way when it all seems so real all of a sudden. I think back to the times that I was first at a certain place and compare it to the present, and it astounds me how much my perception and experience has changed. For instance, today we went to the Dakshineswar Temple, which I went to with Kaka and three of my roommates at the very beginning of our lives in Kolkata. I went with one of my roommates and three other women from my group today, and it was such a bewildering experience. Rita and I got there quite easily now that we both can handle transportation, it didn't seem daunting at all. We even accidentally rode in the men's compartment on the train on the way back, and that didn't even phase us. It was a deja vu experience, to say the least, and it is pretty awesome to see how much I've grown.

What I've realized lately is that I've begun to get used to Kolkata, as much as a person can. Obviously, I continue to learn new things and discover how incorrect I am, but I've grown accustomed to it's face (sorry for the My Fair Lady reference, I couldn't help it) and the whims and trials it offers. I've begun to recognize a familiarity that I have with Kolkata. It's almost that occasion when you are in another place and you begin to sniff until you find that this place smells very much like your grandma's basement. Maybe you've never had that experience, but I have quite often. India is, metaphorically of course, beginning to smell like my grandma's basement. As time continues to pass, the more and more my relationship with Kolkata is similar to that of an old and dear friend. A friend that has pushed and empowered you to grow immensely, while still accepting you for who you are. Kolkata has ripped me apart and broken me down countless times, but thank God for that. Thank God that I've been blessed enough to experience that and to learn so much more about the world I live in and who I am becoming as a person.

And It Talks To Me, It Tiptoes

So lately, I've had my nose in the books as some might say, studying for my finals that I had this week. In actuality, I didn't really study that much, but I did read incredibly interesting articles that I hadn't read when we were supposed to. Imagine that! One of the articles I read for Sociology was about social movements, and I found a quote that resonated with me quite strongly. It was from M.S.A. Rao, please don't ask me who that is because I don't know, but he said, "A sufficient level understanding and reflection is required on the part of the participants, and they must be able to observe and perceive the contrast between the social and cultural conditions of the privileged and the deprived, and must realize that it is possible to do something about it." He was referencing protests and social movements. The last part about "realizing it is possible to do something about it" started whirling around in my mind about what the world would be like if we all had this mentality. We all know of the injustices and corruption in this world, and I think all of us know that there are options and possibilities in existence that could end injustice and corruption, we just don't do anything about it. I'm obviously guilty of this same crime, and I'm ashamed that I haven't realized it or admitted it sooner. I see issues in the world that can be prevented, and I do nothing about it.

Although I would love it if we could all put an end to violence and war and poverty, I know that this is most likely not possible. Even with my idealist attitude, I realize the extremity of each case. However, what if we started small? Is there someone on the street that doesn't have food and is begging that you pass by everyday? If so, why not bring food with you the next time that you pass that person? They need food, you have food and so a realization of the possible occurs. Is there someone you know that is struggling and just needs to know that someone is there for support? They need someone to lean on, you are capable of supporting them and so a realization of the possible occurs. Do you have clothes that you don't wear anymore or do you have extra time to spare to help out at an NGO or food shelf? You have clothes to give, people need clothes; you have extra time to spare, people need help and time, and so a realization of the possible occurs. It can be so simple, but yet it can begin to change the way that we view our world.

I myself, need to be a better advocate and constant participant in this philosophy, because there is so much that I can do. I was thinking to myself as well about how I hold back sometimes or hesitate when giving someone food or buying food for someone to eat. Why do I do it? They need the food, I have the money and/or the food, and so what is so difficult about that exchange of interaction? I've even seen a change with new-life philosophies. For instance, although I do not practice this nearly as often as I should, I believe that smiles can bring peace. I love receiving spontaneous smiles, especially from people I don't know. It makes me feel like I have a ball of sunshine in my stomach, and yes, I promise I'm not high as I write this. We all have smiles, no matter what they look like. Why not give a smile to people as you're walking down the street? You just might change some one's day or even life. As cheesy and motivational as this sounds, it's more of an urgency. There is a desperate need for people that are alive in the search for possibilities that can change the world positively. We need as many people as we can recruit, and although there is no monetary profit, trust me, it has immense benefits.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it

            I admit that I heard this word used while watching “Pride and Prejudice” last night, but I think that it is such an interesting word. Nonsensical. I looked up in the Thesaurus for synonyms and I found words such as: ridiculous, senseless, irrational, absurd, silly, ludicrous, preposterous, unreasonable, illogical, etc. So that had my brain whirring and spinning as to what I thought about that word and how I would use that word in my daily context of life. I think that I’ve come up with the idea, though I’m not sure if it’s entirely true, that people have to be nonsensical at least at certain moments in their life. Some of us are more nonsensical than others, and some of us enjoy being more nonsensical than others as well. I’m fairly certain that I am more often than not, nonsensical and that I enjoy being nonsensical quite a bit. I despise rationalism and logic for the most part, and I would much rather be absurd or unreasonable in my daily life. Being nonsensical is almost required for some aspects of our life, otherwise we would drive ourselves crazy.

            I’ve grown intimately accustomed to being nonsensical in India throughout my semester here. There have been numerous occurrences when I have had to set aside all thoughts of rationality and logic in order to continue moving on in my day to day life. Many things just don’t make sense and so to sit and continuously hash out why each aspect of life is the way it is, is unnecessary and pointless. I’ve learned not to just accept things the way they are and leave it at that, but I’ve learned that I can’t understand why everything is the way it is, although I can try to change or improve it. For instance, I don’t understand why poverty exists to such an extent in India, even with Economics. I don’t think I’ll ever understand, but that doesn’t mean that I simply accept it and let it continue. No, I try to improve it as best as I can, and I try to fight it, although I could be doing so much more if I’m honest with myself.

            Why do the blue MnM’s taste better than all of the other MnM’s? There’s no rationality to it, but for some reason they just do. In this case, I accept it, but I also don’t fight it because there’s no point ruining the deliciousness of it all.  That may have been irrelevant, but I had to find a way to incorporate that into one of my blogs. The point is, I love being nonsensical. I do appreciate that some decisions call for rationality and logic, but for the most part, I prefer to ignore both of those. I’d rather try things that don’t make sense or that others highly criticize. I’ve been told often that my favorite leadership trait is Challenging the Process. I don’t like to accept something without trying to change it. I’m able to see some things as being that way without logic, but challenging is important to me as well. We’ll never know the potential of something unless we try to challenge it. These are my values for education. So many children from low-income, minority, or even children that are ignored have so much potential, but many times that potential isn’t realized due to lack of interest on the teacher’s and parent’s part. I swore to myself that I would never let that happen if I’m a teacher and/or parent, and the more and more I think about it, the more and more I want to be a teacher on a reservation or in a town/city where the education is poor and the children are being ignored. I would love to harness that potential and allow that child to see how brilliant he/she is. I want to see their face light up when these children realize they have the capability to change the world.

Glitter Disco Shoes

Well, it’s been official for a few days now. I am 21 years old. I know that I’m supposed to feel like an adult now or older, but I truly don’t. I feel just the same as when I was 20. Perhaps that’s because I haven’t had a drink or been carded or maybe it’s because I have yet to be able to rent a car, who knows really. My 21^st birthday was extremely memorable, though, and I am so incredibly appreciative to those that made it memorable. I woke up to Kakima announcing that pancakes were ready, which she made especially for my birthday. She makes fabulous pancakes, and she even learned from the internet so that is pretty impressive. Then I opened the card from my parents and read both my dad and mom’s letter, and of course, I bawled. They’ve been obviously the most instrumental force in my life besides Jesus Christ, and I owe all that I have and all that I am to them. I wouldn’t even be in India if it wasn’t for their unconditional love. Although I wasn’t able to physically see them on my birthday, I could feel their presence more than ever in India. 

            After this, my wonderful roommates presented me with a beautiful Indian top. It’s white with flowers, my favorite, and it is WAY too kind of them! I look forward to showing it off in the U.S so all of you know what you’re missing here in India fashion. Then I headed out to a deli called Afraa, ironically also a club we go to, and I had lunch with my third herd and two of my Indian friends, Vipul and Ishani. It was such a delight! Vipul and the third herd actually bought extremely similar cakes without knowing it so we had two cakes! SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. It was magnificent, and I even was able to have the Indian version of Mac and Cheese. So simple but so savory. My taste buds were hollering and dancing for joy.

            My day was also made by being able to Skype with my mom and my dog and just seeing their shining faces. Maria, one of my best friends from home, made a beautiful video in which she played me a song on her ukulele, and even though she denies it, she had a BEAUTIFUL singing voice. It obviously made me cry since I’m waterworks, but it also made me laugh. I just can’t believe how blessed I am to have such a loving community of family and friends. I really don’t give that much thought on a daily basis, but I am surrounded by captivating souls that love me so much. I only hope that I give them the love that they deserve plus 1000 times more in return. I do think that it’s crucial to think about how you love others and to make sure that you are doing everything possible to love people to pieces. It’s literally the only thing that we are asked to do on this earth. Pretty basic stuff. And, no matter what anyone says, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. Love makes the world go round. All you need is love. Roll your eyes at me and scoff if you must, but no matter how many cheesy songs are written about it, we all know they’re right.

I Would Walk 500 Miles

My 21st "B-Squezzy" birthday cake from my

beautiful friends!

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful

people in my life who authentically love me.

Such a fantastic day!

Making a wish...but i'm not sharing

Can I Call You Lizzie?

Elizabeth Gilbert didn’t prepare me for India. In fact, she left me blindsided because of her witty and poetic writing style. Upon reading Eat. Pray. Love the summer after my first year of college, I recollect thinking, “Wow. I am going to go and find myself in India”. In fact, I was convinced. It was already etched into the To Do list in my mind for all time. I, at some point in my life, was going to India to have a revelation and find myself. Now, I didn’t actually ponder deeply what exactly “find myself” meant, but Elizabeth Gilbert did it and wrote a book about it so I was going to do it. Probably not write a book about it though. Who has that kind of time?

Anyways, when I was choosing between countries, I do admit thinking, “Well, Elizabeth Gilbert went to India, and I had said I was going to go there to discover the meaning of life. That makes it a pretty appealing option”. Now, that wasn’t the main factor behind my final decision, but it did register while I went back and forth between South Africa and India. I’ve blogged countless times about how India isn’t the mecca or the true place for “finding yourself”. I never meant any harm by that statement, because the truth is that parts of India can be peaceful. I just don’t want anyone to make assumptions based on books that they’ve read or movies they’ve seen.

What I want to know, and perhaps I’ll never find out is what does “finding yourself” mean? Why do you have to go halfway across the world or through terrible ordeals or have a magnificent break through with golden light to “find yourself”? Why can’t every single day be a constant progression of finding who you are? Of course I’ve learned an incredible amount about myself through living in India for a semester, almost. I don’t think anyone can avoid that happening. But someone in St. Joe, Minnesota or Sioux Falls, South Dakota or anywhere you reside can as well. I’ve been trying to realize my strengths and my weaknesses, because in those, lies a valuable insight and wisdom into who each of us is as a person. We should be able to look at ourselves in the mirror every night and recognize the reflection. If we ever come to a point when we look in the mirror and see someone we no longer recognize or relate with, then we’re in trouble.

It’s difficult to concentrate on weaknesses, and it’s also difficult to continue improving your strengths. Laziness is a constant threat to this progression and this self-improvement. I am guilty of laziness more than I would like to tally. It’s so tempting and so easy to just push off negative thoughts and to ignore concentrating on improvement. Why can’t I just be mad when I want and receive praise when I do well? Life just doesn’t give you joy that way. I’ve learned this from experience, although my stubbornness blinds me to this quite often. Yes, I’m openly admitting that I am stubborn, shocker. The point I was trying to make, and perhaps didn’t since I have a tendency to ramble, is that I’m not sure there is such a thing as “finding yourself”, but more so I think that you create yourself while discovering aspects and characteristics about yourself that you didn’t know previously. “Finding yourself” makes it sound as if you lost yourself and now have to experience all of this life in order to find yourself back. If you want to “find” or “create” yourself, look no further than at your own feet. It starts there. It doesn’t take traveling across the world and then writing a book about it. I mean, I’m no Elizabeth Gilbert, but I can eat and pray and love wherever I go.

Sundance Dream

It’s been a while since I’ve discussed my NGO, Prayasam, and it is a much too valuable part of my life to not discuss it enough. Last week I went into Prayasam in order to put in some hours since Rita and I had missed most of the week. Amlan, the founder, has asked me to come talk with him for a moment and so I gingerly strolled over to his quarters. As I sat across the desk from him, he told me that Piyali enjoyed my writing so much that they wish me to write more for Prayasam. I cannot do justice to how I felt when I heard that. I love writing, and even better, I find supreme joy in being able to write, especially about things that I am passionate about. I am more than blessed to write about Prayasam, and I find it extremely rewarding to be able to advocate for this amazing organization. Well, apparently, a member of the Sundance team, yes I mean the documentary organization Sundance, is interested in Prayasam’s documentary. They want to further research Prayasam and possibly accept the Prayasam documentary as a part of Sundance. This would be such an honor for Prayasam and well deserved, might I add. Amlan had created 3 concepts that he has as a vision for Prayasam, and he wanted me to type up a short summary of those 3 concepts to send to Sundance to be considered. Again, no pressure. I ended up typing up a short summary, and I must say that I didn’t have to try at all to make Prayasam sound like a radically awesome organization and one that Sundance would be lucky to be associated with.

            Amlan also told me that if Prayasam is accepted into Sundance, he would like me to help him with the process, because he wants my perspective since I am both an American and a member of Prayasam. He said that even with me back in the states, he wants us to correspond so that I can be a part of this, especially since I enjoy documentaries so much. Again, floored. This is something that I don’t even have to consider before emphatically yelling, “Absolutely!” I love documentaries, thus I love Sundance, and I love Prayasam, so what a beautiful relationship? A match made by the Greek gods I tell you! Just kidding, but really, such good news! I am so excited to be able to work with Prayasam and Sundance if this goes through, and this will further my experience with documentaries so that I can bring more experience to Extending the Link, a documentary team that I am a part of at school. I also told Amlan, that years and years from now, I would jump at the opportunity to help Prayasam with any documentaries they wish in the United States or other advocating they so wished. Literally, their wish is my command, and a pleasurable one at that. I’m typically not a morning person, but Friday morning was indeed glorious! Who says Peace Studies majors can’t get jobs after college? Fools, I tell you, fools.

My Hands are Small, I Know

What a wonderful way to wake up in

the morning

Beautiful

So much to learn from them about life

Random picture from Hyderabad that Kelsey

took and I think is cool because of my cornrows!

Wahhh, Wahhh, Wah Wah Wah

I rarely do this, but I just need to write out something that has been bothering me, and then I will let it go. I think this message, at least I hope so, will be applicable for everyone, and let me preface by saying that I am totally guilty of this same thing. Energy. Each day, each minute requires an extensive amount of energy. Human beings can only give so much of that energy, and they tend to easily burn out, causing worry marks and high stress levels.  I have no scientific research, but I do have daily life to back me up. Doctors always inform the public of ways that they can reduce stress, but I don’t hear what I’m about to discuss very often. Complaining. It doesn’t seem so at first, but given enough time and enough repetition and complaining can become constant easily. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that every now and then a person needs to vent or talk things out and get rid of their frustration. That is all well and good. However, when complaining becomes a weekly to daily ritual, then there is an issue. I admit, that I too complain so I am not pretending to be a saint by any means. Lately, though, I have heard quite a bit of complaining, and I must say, it is starting to bring me down and irritate me even.

If we only have so much energy in a day and we need every ounce of it that we can muster, then why oh why would we spend it complaining? Energy could be put towards anything more efficient and healthy than complaining. Also, why emit so much negative energy into the world? We already have enough of that nonsense that we don’t need any more of it through complaining. If possible, we should attempt to provide as much positive energy as we are able. I understand that we all have our bad days, and I certainly identify with that, but how does continuously reflecting on that negative energy help us? Also, complaining is a waste of valuable time. I think we can all agree, maybe not, that time is precious. There never seems to be enough time in the day. So my proposal is that if there is limited time in the day as it is, then why would you spend it doing something that is neither productive nor helpful. Instead of complaining, you could be doing something so much more productive with your time.

Also, happiness is so much more fun than irritation or frustration. Please know though, that I am totally guilty of complaining which is why I find it so important to discontinue that silly activity. I want to spend my time in joy and peace, with the occasional humorous and probably much needed venting. I just think that life could be much more enjoyable if we all stop complaining and appreciate the blessings and the hardships that we have. Complaining is not only a negative energy, but it is also a waste of time. More importantly, no one likes a party pooper.

Is that a needle through my nose?

Thursday was a fantastic day filled with dancing and singing and basic tomfoolery. My study abroad group had our folk arts/talent show today, and it was a roarin’ good time. We began by performing a traditional Bengali wedding dance, which obviously, I rocked by playing a stern mother, keeping the bride and the groom from making googly eyes at each other. After this beautiful performance that would put the professionals to tears, we began our infamous talent show. Little do the kakas and kakimas know that most of us were joking with our performances and didn’t take anything extremely seriously. Tiffany desperately wanted to recite a poem from a friend of ours book, which if you read you will understand why we find it so entertaining. His book is dedicated to his dramatic breakup with his ex-girlfriend, and this left him with numerous materials for epic poems. So, Tiffany read one of his poems while I sang, of course, “My Heart Will Go On”, especially because Titanic 3D just came out in theaters, definitely appropriate. It was a performance of a lifetime, and I will never forget those glorious 3 minutes of passion and poetry and singing. The Third Herd, as my roommates and I prefer to call ourselves, also performed a stomp number. We stomped our hearts out, and I have it on video to prove how legitimate we are and how I can take it to the streets any day!

On Friday, we had basically our last class at St. Xavier’s, and then I went on an exploration of Courtney and Kelsey’s neighborhood and home for the afternoon and evening. I was able to walk dawn Lake Road and see the eclectic and unique market filled with fresh fruits and vegetables, colorful flowers, and countless nick-knacks.  We also walked around the Gariahat Market which was absolutely insane but fabulous because it is the night before the Bengali New Year. Despite the crowds of people pushing and fighting over a sari, which was humorous to witness, I managed to find my way to the piercing shop. I literally walked into  the shop, asked the man if he could pierce my nose, got the head nod, sat down in the chair, sterilized my nose, ring and needles, clamped my nose, stuck the needle in, then the ring and it was done. In less than 5 minutes, I kid you not and I have witnesses, I got my nose pierced! I feel utterly BA, and authentically Indian now that I have this thing wedged in my nose. Also, better yet, I had the approval of Mama Lais. I just felt so adventurous today, and I’m thankful I am not one that gets addicted to piercings, because then we’d be in trouble.

Icelandic Music? C-Cool, Alright

Truly, the best Easter Vigil yet

By another ruin that I can't recall the name

of, but hey, I look great by it!

With Courtney, who fits so nicely

 next with my body crevices.

The infamous Third Herd goes to viral in

Hyderabad...can't tame us

The World's Too Big to Never Ask Why

A really cool fort that we went to...name

escaping me of course

The Charminar, much like the Big

Ben of London

The mysterious "Veiled Rebecca"

that I had to find on the internet

because they wouldn't let me take

pictures...typical

A Glamorous Easter

I must start off by saying that my Easter mass/service tops all of yours’ that are reading this. We went to this octagonal church in Hyderabad for a 10:30 pm mass Saturday night, but we were actually outside. There were thousands of picnic chairs, the altar area was coated in lights, and there was a huge banner that was covered by a piece of cloth. Everything about the mass was fairly common until the Alleluia came…The entire front of the altar lit up with flashing lights while the bells rang and the chorus sang Alleluia, also uncovering the huge banner that depicted an angel and Jesus exalting, “Alleluia, Alleluia. Jesus has risen!” My very own Jesus Christ Superstar mass on Easter eve!

Hours after when it was actually morning, we headed off for an extremely long bus ride, but it was a wonderful one filled with tunes and thought! I actually enjoy bus rides or car rides or whatever type of road trip mechanism, because it gives me time to listen to music, to look out the window, to think, etc. Our first stop was a Jain temple, which I didn’t even realize we were going to. Unfortunately, I was not allowed inside since I was wearing shorts (it was worth it for the amount my legs did not sweat today) so I enjoyed the environment outside of the temple. I heard though, that the Jain temple is 2000 years old, although it has been renovated quite a bit. I’m joyful that we went because my close friend, Vilpul is Jain, and he shares his religion with me often. They strongly believe in non-violence, which of course, I think is absolutely lovely.

The next place that we visited was Warangal, which is the ruin of ancient dynasties. It felt as though we were in Rome with all of the ancient ruins, and then when we visited Hanamkonda, which is another ruin, we felt like we were in Africa! You get the best of the entire world in India it seems. The only qualm that I have with today was that when we went to visit a temple, the floor was made of black marble/granite (I have no idea really) and it was baking in the over 100 degree heat, so that when I took off my shoes, my feet were burning! It’s a sign of respect to take off one’s shoes when visiting a temple since the ground is holy, which I have no problem with, but then don’t make the ground black!!!! And perhaps situate the ancient temple in the shade of some reliable trees!!!

But really, the most exciting part of my Easter Sunday was my Jesus Christ Superstar Easter Vigil mass that I had the privilege of attending. No one does it like India.

Chandelier Tree

Today started off lovely with a visit to the Golconda Fort. It was pretty warm today, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was Thursday. The fort was beautiful, and once you climb to the top you can see a city span of Hyderabad, which is stunning. I forgot how much I love historical ruins and old rocks since our first excursion in Northern India. It was such a peace-filled place, and it offered awesome reflection time that is much needed when living in a big city like Kolkata. According to the legend of our tour guide handbook, a shepherd boy found an idol on the hill, Mangalavaram, and when this reached the Kakatiya king he ordered the construction of a fort around the holy spot. Hence, you have the Golconda Fort. There are also secret passageways in the fort, and as much as I tried to remove the barriers, my muscles, surprisingly, were not strong enough.

After we got lunch, we went to the Salarjung Museum, which was breathtaking. I was a bit skeptical of what the museum would actually look like and what it would hold, but it was far greater than I had first expected. I mean, it’s no Louvre, but it is a wonderful asset to Hyderabad. The prime minister of Nizam built the museum, and it is the largest personal collection in the world. It was such a random assortment of belongings, and I couldn’t help but marvel and ponder how on earth this man managed to collect all of these objects. One of the statues that I saw, which is actually quite famous to this museum and around the world, is the “Veiled Rebecca”. Of course, this being my name, it intrigued me. So, imagine my joy when I stumbled upon this mysterious woman! It was created by an Italian sculptor, Giovanni Maria Benzoni, because he was so taken by the biblical story of Rebecca in the Old Testament. Apparently, when Rebecca met Isaac, her soon to be husband, she was so shy she pulled the veil over her face. This represented her innocence and purity. I was flattered by this sculpture, but I have to admit that I wasn’t the biggest fan of Rebecca since she favored one son over the other. However, I am not one to dissuade anyone from artistic expression.

After the museum, we went to the Charminar, which is basically the Big Ben of London or the Eiffel Tower of Paris. It was beautiful, but the area in which it was located was crazy. I felt as if I was in Kolkata once again. There is a Muslim temple that we tried to enter right by the Charminar, but since we weren’t dressed properly, we weren’t allowed to enter. It was actually quite unfortunate, because the man at the gate was yelling at us and extremely rude to us. I was extremely offended, and I can’t help but wonder if he was rude to us because 1, we were women and 2, we were foreign. There numerous Muslim women in Hyderabad wearing their full black dress with the burka as well, and I just pondered whether or not they are considered actually “free” or independent. It is a part of their religion and their culture, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is right.

But Can You Tell I Can't Even Explain

Identical landscape to Arizona...

The river Krishna surrounded by the largest

dam...I mean masonry dam that is...

Water never felt so good

Clay alpaca statues!

My fellow Hyderabad friends that I met...

Who love taking photos...

and love posing like rappers and gangstas

Hyderabad or Arizona?

Yesterday was quite possibly the hottest day of my life. I kid you not. It was a sweltering and blistering day, but Hyderabad is still a wonderful city. Yesterday, actually we traveled in the bus for about 3 hours to see Nagarjuna Sagar Dam, which if you didn’t know is the largest masonry dam in the world, key word: masonry. It’s most likely not the largest dam in the world, just saying. We took a boat on the river Krishna to the ruins and museum. It was a beautiful day, but it was also a hot one. Nothing felt more heavenly than air conditioning, believe me. One thing that I did notice is that Hyderabad looks almost identical to Arizona at some parts. When we were riding in the bus and I was staring at the orange dirt and sandstone rocks, I couldn’t help but think that I was back in Navajo!

Today was a wonderful and air-conditioned day. We visited an ISB school for business graduates and entrepreneurs, and it was such a blessing to see another form of schooling in India. It was much closer to schooling in the US, and the building was new and beautiful. They apparently prefer the circular design, because they used it in almost everything. After visiting the school, we went to the mall and I got a manicure, which felt heavenly. Steph and Tiff got these fish pedicures, which means that they put their feet in a tub of water and fish and the fish ate all of the dead skin off of their feet. It was disgusting, and I do not regret turning that down. After this we went to an artisan village, Shilparamam, and it was literally an artisan village. Tiffany, Brenna and I went exploring, and as we were coming back we ran into a mob of Indians running in a circle. We decided to join them and dance with them. Oh, my goodness! They were so pumped to meet us, and we took thousands of pictures! I’ll show you some incredibly humorous photos; I had to wrestle my camera away from one of the men. Definitely my favorite part about Hyderabad thus far.

Through an Endless Diamond Sky

The beautiful palace where I shall be living with

my tiger and ducks

I blend in perfectly

The razzle-dazzle temple in the rain

Catdaddy in the Rain

Today we landed in Hyderabad, and I could have sworn it was either Arizona or Florida. It was an incredible surprise, but it did leave me incredibly confused as to where we actually were. We were actually greeted by two McDonalds within 2 minutes of each other at the airport. If you know India, which most of you don’t, then you know that the market is just starting to open up so to see 2 McDonalds is sort of hilarious. I dabbled in an egg McMuffin and hash brown, which was one of the most delicious foods to ever touch my taste buds since being in India. I know that is extremely pathetic, but I don’t care. All of us sleepy adventurers went to our hotel, where Rachel and I proceeded to watch Tangled until we left for the day. Due to exhaustion and heat, I felt like I was intoxicated the entire day. I assure you that I was not, which is why it was such a strange feeling.

The first place we went to was Chutney’s, which is an authentic, as we were assured, south Indian restaurant. I ended up ordering a dosa, which ended up being this massive fried bread-thing that came in the shape of a teepee! I apologize, but I absolutely thought of Navajo right away. After the restaurant we went to the Chowmahalla Palace, which looked like it came straight out of Aladdin. Yes, I realize that Aladdin took place in the Arabia, but I still maintain that India reminds me quite a bit of Aladdin. The palace looked like Jasmine’s, and a huge flock of birds even flew over the palace just like in the movie! The most memorable part was the huge meeting room where the Nizam kings would sit on their throne. It was filled with chandeliers from all types to all sizes to all sparkles. It was marvelous, and to reference another movie, I could have been Anastasia in Russia. So many wonderful animated connections to be made with the histories of India!

After this lovely sight, we were headed to a temple, but our bus broke down, which I forgot to mention that our bus is lilac purple. We were waiting for about 30 minutes, but we were able to gain a mob of friendly citizens of Hyderabad. They were all youthful boys that were playing Cricket. We began this wonderful friendship by showing them how we dance, to Justin Bieber of all people, and then they showed us their hip hop and salsa dance moves. There was a huge mob by the time the bus began to work again. It was hilarious, and I completely love that India is the random meetings that we have with people we barely know. After this, it began storming and raining, which felt marvelous, and we headed to the Jaganath Temple, which was stunning. It was exactly what I thought a temple would look like: peaceful, reverent, clean, and beautiful. It was such a magnificent scene, especially with the rain. It’s actually made of over 600 tones of sandstone, which is pretty impressive if you ask me. The temple was also said to “represent the innermost feelings of human beings”. How about that? I don’t know if many structures in the US can do that.

I Was a Star for One Whole Minute

I indeed have a claim to fame. I was asked to write an opinion article for my school newspaper on my thoughts of India, simple prompt. Not a tall order by any standard. It was, in fact, extremely difficult, and I'm still not convinced I did it justice, but it is out there for the world, well CSB/SJU, but pretty close to the world to see. I have posted it below, and it was officially printed in March. Don't fret, Mary and Noel have copies. Enjoy! But if you don't enjoy it, don't tell me.

Elephants. Desert. Yoga. Slums. The list goes on and on when thinking of India. I myself am guilty for these assumptions and expectations. I too thought of India as this exotic land of Maharajas, Bollywood dancers, and Julia Roberts finding herself in Eat.Pray.Love. I also mistook India as a land of slums and of children in absolute poverty just like Jamal and his brother Salim in Slumdog Millionaire. However, after spending more than two and a half months in India, my once narrow mind is expanding significantly. India is indeed a difficult country to describe, and I am certain that I will not do it justice. This being said, I request of anyone reading this that you do not take my perspective of India as the black and white India and remain at that idea for all eternity.

For me, India is nothing I expected and everything I needed. In a country with an abounding population and numerous cultures, there can exist no overarching, vague term to express India. Each street that you walk down, each historical site that you visit, each state that you venture to on the weekends proves what you expect to be true, India is teeming with surprises. The truth is that there are unending layers to India, each providing an insight that you never before considered. It is possible for most of us to say, “My country is like no other”, but I cannot emphasize sufficiently the truth in the statement that India is like no other country.

India is its’ people. Of course India has the Taj Mahal, the Red Fort, the Victoria Memorial, Bollywood and so on, but the quirks and trinkets of India are comprised by the people. The people of India have an indescribable passion for life. Each day is viewed as a genuine blessing and gift; nothing is taken for granted. Each person you encounter reflects a culture of rich history and a beautiful outlook on the value of humanity. As the common saying goes, “If you help someone, you too will be awarded”. With this mindset, how can the value of India lie anywhere else other than the people?

Innovation. Growth. Ambition. Service. This is what the people of India represent today. Yes, India has some of the most significant poverty in the world, but you would be regrettably mistaken if this is all you thought of India. Every street corner you meet, there are entrepreneurs and innovators making a name for themselves. India is transforming from a British, colonial country to an independent and modern country. In many eyes of the people that you meet, there is a glint of ambition and determination to achieve opportunities unavailable previously. However, regardless of this self-seeking ambition, there is still an immense sense of service and responsibility to those who do not have the opportunities that the fortunate ones behold. There is still a breathtaking philosophy of the interconnectedness of human beings, as each Indian person refers to others as “sister” and “brother”.

If you are traveling to India to “find yourself” or to reach a life epiphany, you may very well be disappointed. India is not a country in which everyone visiting is promised a new life journey, but India will push and empower you to discover aspects about the world you live in that you never would have considered before. I have had the ever constant honor to meet the most beautiful souls, and each soul has presented me with an unforgettable story. Quickly, without realizing it at first, these stories created the country to me. India is the story of each person that has given me a unique perspective on life. India is often challenging, but India will always remain unforgettable.