Elizabeth Gilbert didn’t prepare me for India. In fact, she left me blindsided because of her witty and poetic writing style. Upon reading Eat. Pray. Love the summer after my first year of college, I recollect thinking, “Wow. I am going to go and find myself in India”. In fact, I was convinced. It was already etched into the To Do list in my mind for all time. I, at some point in my life, was going to India to have a revelation and find myself. Now, I didn’t actually ponder deeply what exactly “find myself” meant, but Elizabeth Gilbert did it and wrote a book about it so I was going to do it. Probably not write a book about it though. Who has that kind of time?
Anyways, when I was choosing between countries, I do admit thinking, “Well, Elizabeth Gilbert went to India, and I had said I was going to go there to discover the meaning of life. That makes it a pretty appealing option”. Now, that wasn’t the main factor behind my final decision, but it did register while I went back and forth between South Africa and India. I’ve blogged countless times about how India isn’t the mecca or the true place for “finding yourself”. I never meant any harm by that statement, because the truth is that parts of India can be peaceful. I just don’t want anyone to make assumptions based on books that they’ve read or movies they’ve seen.
What I want to know, and perhaps I’ll never find out is what does “finding yourself” mean? Why do you have to go halfway across the world or through terrible ordeals or have a magnificent break through with golden light to “find yourself”? Why can’t every single day be a constant progression of finding who you are? Of course I’ve learned an incredible amount about myself through living in India for a semester, almost. I don’t think anyone can avoid that happening. But someone in St. Joe, Minnesota or Sioux Falls, South Dakota or anywhere you reside can as well. I’ve been trying to realize my strengths and my weaknesses, because in those, lies a valuable insight and wisdom into who each of us is as a person. We should be able to look at ourselves in the mirror every night and recognize the reflection. If we ever come to a point when we look in the mirror and see someone we no longer recognize or relate with, then we’re in trouble.
It’s difficult to concentrate on weaknesses, and it’s also difficult to continue improving your strengths. Laziness is a constant threat to this progression and this self-improvement. I am guilty of laziness more than I would like to tally. It’s so tempting and so easy to just push off negative thoughts and to ignore concentrating on improvement. Why can’t I just be mad when I want and receive praise when I do well? Life just doesn’t give you joy that way. I’ve learned this from experience, although my stubbornness blinds me to this quite often. Yes, I’m openly admitting that I am stubborn, shocker. The point I was trying to make, and perhaps didn’t since I have a tendency to ramble, is that I’m not sure there is such a thing as “finding yourself”, but more so I think that you create yourself while discovering aspects and characteristics about yourself that you didn’t know previously. “Finding yourself” makes it sound as if you lost yourself and now have to experience all of this life in order to find yourself back. If you want to “find” or “create” yourself, look no further than at your own feet. It starts there. It doesn’t take traveling across the world and then writing a book about it. I mean, I’m no Elizabeth Gilbert, but I can eat and pray and love wherever I go.
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