I have decided that at some point in my life, I must, and I mean must, live by the ocean. It is MUCH too beautiful and tempting not to. These past couple of days, my group has traveled to Puri, Orissa, which is basically a beach town, and it was absolutely stunning. I was taken aback by how much I loved the ocean. It's so simple, but it's just so wonderful. If you are ever having a crappy day and you just need some time to think, I strongly suggest going to your nearest ocean. If you can't make that work, then a lake or maybe even a bird bath will do, but there is something so calming about water. I could have watched those waves crash and break for hours and never tire or get bored, and that means something significant coming from me.
I was apprehensive about going at first, because there just seemed to be so much finality to it. It was our final excursion in India and our final time as a group again, and that concept really stinks. If you know anything about me, you know that I do not do well with goodbyes or ends. They just don't sit well with my insides. There's a quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, yes, I'm quoting that book that goes, "Carmen loved beginnings, but she hated goodbyes". Well, I couldn’t identify more with this quote. I find beginnings incredibly exciting and thrilling, but I abhor endings and I avoid them at all costs. For the past week, I have been anticipating going home and recollecting all that I want to do when home, which I am obviously still incredibly pumped about. However, now I’m coming towards the end of this indescribable journey, and that is becoming clearer with every day that passes by way too quickly.
I know that I needed to see the ocean this weekend, because I needed to be reminded of how puny and insignificant I am and how vast and enormous the world is. I revel in the feeling of being swallowed up into the whole world, and I was able to experience that in Puri. It just leaves you in awe of everything in your life, especially, at least for me, how in tarnation I arrived at an ocean in India. I mean if you think about it, I went from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Kolkata, India. That’s a fairly significant transition and one that I have yet to comprehend. I’m so accustomed to planning beginnings and pumping myself up for those first few new days that I forget endings are necessary to experience beginnings. I wish I could fast forward through endings and skip them altogether, but I have yet to master that, nor do I think I should. I need to learn to say goodbye and to allow things to come to an end.
I know that I will have no regrets leaving India. I barely came in with any expectations, and if I did, they were rapidly proven insanely wrong. There is no other place that I was destined to be in the spring of 2012. I do believe in fate, no matter how childish or naïve that may seem to any of you. I believe that I was placed in India for a reason or several reasons for that matter, and with that knowledge, I can never have regrets. My catch phrase for this semester has been, “We are clever, but we are clueless”. Thank goodness for that. Wow, I needed to be humbled. That is one of my favorite and most treasured aspects of India. I may still maintain my sassiness, but I have slowly, and I do mean very slowly, worked on my stubbornness and my pride. I know that culture shock is inevitable, and I know that I’m going to be a grouch or another word I won’t mention and that I’ll snap at people for not understanding why I’m acting a certain way, but I strongly believe that parting with India will be like parting with a dear friend. I will be content because I know that the friendship served its purpose.
Who would have thought that I would be parting from India in my lifetime? Certainly not I, but then again, life is wonderful that way, literally full of wonder. We do the most unexpected, zany things without ever realizing why. If there is any hope that I have for my future it is that I will continuously do those unexpected, zany things with the same childish wonder that I possess in India. Never allow yourself to get too cynical. It ruins all of the entertainment that life offers. I can’t stand the statement, “Life every moment like it’s your last”. No. Don’t think that each day should be your last. Think that each day is your first. Each day is a fresh start to begin again. India has shown me that no matter how many times you screw up or are proven false, keep going. Don’t use any of that “live like your dying”. Concentrate on living. In that is unmistakable joy.
I was apprehensive about going at first, because there just seemed to be so much finality to it. It was our final excursion in India and our final time as a group again, and that concept really stinks. If you know anything about me, you know that I do not do well with goodbyes or ends. They just don't sit well with my insides. There's a quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, yes, I'm quoting that book that goes, "Carmen loved beginnings, but she hated goodbyes". Well, I couldn’t identify more with this quote. I find beginnings incredibly exciting and thrilling, but I abhor endings and I avoid them at all costs. For the past week, I have been anticipating going home and recollecting all that I want to do when home, which I am obviously still incredibly pumped about. However, now I’m coming towards the end of this indescribable journey, and that is becoming clearer with every day that passes by way too quickly.
I know that I needed to see the ocean this weekend, because I needed to be reminded of how puny and insignificant I am and how vast and enormous the world is. I revel in the feeling of being swallowed up into the whole world, and I was able to experience that in Puri. It just leaves you in awe of everything in your life, especially, at least for me, how in tarnation I arrived at an ocean in India. I mean if you think about it, I went from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Kolkata, India. That’s a fairly significant transition and one that I have yet to comprehend. I’m so accustomed to planning beginnings and pumping myself up for those first few new days that I forget endings are necessary to experience beginnings. I wish I could fast forward through endings and skip them altogether, but I have yet to master that, nor do I think I should. I need to learn to say goodbye and to allow things to come to an end.
I know that I will have no regrets leaving India. I barely came in with any expectations, and if I did, they were rapidly proven insanely wrong. There is no other place that I was destined to be in the spring of 2012. I do believe in fate, no matter how childish or naïve that may seem to any of you. I believe that I was placed in India for a reason or several reasons for that matter, and with that knowledge, I can never have regrets. My catch phrase for this semester has been, “We are clever, but we are clueless”. Thank goodness for that. Wow, I needed to be humbled. That is one of my favorite and most treasured aspects of India. I may still maintain my sassiness, but I have slowly, and I do mean very slowly, worked on my stubbornness and my pride. I know that culture shock is inevitable, and I know that I’m going to be a grouch or another word I won’t mention and that I’ll snap at people for not understanding why I’m acting a certain way, but I strongly believe that parting with India will be like parting with a dear friend. I will be content because I know that the friendship served its purpose.
Who would have thought that I would be parting from India in my lifetime? Certainly not I, but then again, life is wonderful that way, literally full of wonder. We do the most unexpected, zany things without ever realizing why. If there is any hope that I have for my future it is that I will continuously do those unexpected, zany things with the same childish wonder that I possess in India. Never allow yourself to get too cynical. It ruins all of the entertainment that life offers. I can’t stand the statement, “Life every moment like it’s your last”. No. Don’t think that each day should be your last. Think that each day is your first. Each day is a fresh start to begin again. India has shown me that no matter how many times you screw up or are proven false, keep going. Don’t use any of that “live like your dying”. Concentrate on living. In that is unmistakable joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment